5: the number of breakdowns I've had in the past 3 days
5: the number of days I have until this is over, one way or another
I'm thinking it's a no go.
I can't even do a simple visualization exercise (a technique I've learned to help deal with the anxiety).
I visualize myself standing up in front of a group of people. I visualize myself opening my mouth to speak. I get out a few words and then I pass out, puke, run out of the room, or freeze in terror and my dear husband has to come pry my fingers from the death grip I've got on the podium and steer me away.
I'm not saying no yet.
But I will eventually.
Can this week drag on any more slowly? I'm going to end up losing my mind before Sunday.
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2 comments:
I'm sorry this is so difficult for you. I get to speak this Sunday too. I will keep you in my prayers. Hopefully we can both speak together. Good luck. And it will be over soon. I have a lot of admiration for you. In my last ward a sister was asked to speak. It was very difficult for her. And I think she nearly passed out. She stood for a few minutes, breathing and was finally able to give her talk. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself up front like that especially when you know it could potentially end. But it can always go well too. Good luck. Hugs!
Facing fears is one of the worst things in the world. I haven't had to do it often, but the few times I have, were so very hard. You are amazing to be pushing yourself like you are.
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