A Look at the Inside

I had a panic attack this morning.

It was a beautiful thing.

Not.

Before it happened I was pacing the house, slamming my fists on counters and trying to keep steady breathing. I figured if I had that much energy I might as well do the dishes. So I was standing over the sink, scrubbing dishes way too intensely when it hit. My breathing became rapid, I had a death grip on the sink and I lost control.

Luckily for me, my daughter was still asleep and Pedro had already left for work so there were no witnesses to my insanity.

I'm this much of a mess and it's only Friday morning. It's going to be a long fun weekend.

My calming juice has finally kicked in so I'm in a happier place (not happy enough, but I'll take what I can get). The calming juice has taken away my nervous energy, and all my normal energy too so now I'm trying to talk myself into going to the gym to work out the leftover stress and gain a clear head.

You know how people talk about the ups and downs of life--it's like a roller coaster and you've got to enjoy the ride? I'm at that point of the steep downhill where you can't take anymore and you desperately need the ride to go up because you have no air left in your lungs to keep screaming? Ya, that's me.

Not enjoying the ride at the moment.