Regressing

Ya, it's happening. I can feel myself slipping backwards. Wanting to dig a hole and hide and not be put in another social situation ever again. Dreading tomorrow and the day after and even the day after that, knowing I'll see people and have to talk to them. And it's not the people, it's me. It's all in my head. My head's not a good place to be right now.

Not wanting to go out today because I might run into somebody and have to think of something to say and then second guess myself because what if I said the wrong thing (which, by the way, I'm REALLY good at). I'm blatantly aware of my social awkwardness. Perceived or not, it eats at me.

So I'll blare my music to drown out my thoughts. I'll swipe the church key from my husband so I can pound out my frustrations on the piano. And yes, I'll even go out because the kids need milk. And if I happen to see you, I'll pretend I didn't, because dang it all I just can't do it today.