Lately I've been feeling like I've lost my sense of purpose. I always knew I wanted to be a stay at home mom. But I had a romanticized view of it. How can you have an accurate view of something until you're in the midst of it?
I've gotten to this point of wondering if I'm actually making any difference at all. By the end of the day the kids and I are all frustrated and tired with each other. The house is a mess and dinner...well, we're lucky if we're eating before 7:30 or 8:00. Teaching moments are few and far between and it seems like I spend most of my time teaching the kids "you don't spit in your shoes", "no putting stuffed animals in the tub" and "daddy's laptop is not a toy."
What has happened?!
Patience is a luxury that I don't have. It was proven to me yesterday afternoon. I had asked Eric numerous times to go get his jammys. He completely ignored me. So I got louder and more snappy. Eric starts crying. Annaleise leans over and says to him, "Don't worry Eric. That's just what Mommy does."
Oh my goodness, what have I done?!
It didn't take long to figure out what's going on. We're completely lacking on spiritual matters. Family prayer, individual prayer, FHE, scripture study has become non-existent here. Except for a good streak or two that lasted for about a week each, it's just something I don't want to do at the end of the day. I'm ready for everyone to go to bed and don't want to spend an extra 5 or 10 minutes with the kids. Prayer is kind of a joke...whoever isn't chosen to say it cries all the way through it or is yelling through it. If someone is trying to read scriptures, kids are running around and yelling or trying to talk about who knows what.
Guess it's time to just buck up and struggle our way through it. Maybe if I slather everybody in relax lotion beforehand, we'll all be calm. Or maybe if I give everyone a dose of benadryl right before we try anything we can catch them in that barely awake and coherent stage.
Sigh.
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I hear you and raise you 150! Being a mother is so easy on paper, but when you come down to it, things are just so much harder than you ever imagined. I have noticed Keith has been ignoring me a lot lately as well. I decided I had enough of it today. I am only going to ask him to do something once, and if he doesn't do it I am going to pick him up and haul him off to time out. Mean, yes. Effective? I hope so. If you figure it out, let me know.
P.S. Try buying the nursery manual and using that for FHE. I just started that and it seems to work. I hope you figure it out soon.
I know how your feeling. I will say that we switched to the Book of Mormon Stories and New Testament Stories, books, it makes a world of difference because it tells the stories and has pictures. We are far from great at this, but it has seemed to help and make it so much easier to do scriptures. We also just recently came up with a prayer schedule. Everyone has the schedule memorized and they know what day is theirs. Again, we are lucky if the prayers are sincere and heart felt, but it is becoming a habit and the girls will come and remind us if we have forgotten. FHE is non existent. I might try the nursery manual. I feel your pain, there are so many days I wonder What am I supposed to be teaching them? They hate my cooking and tell me I'm the meanest mom in the world because I make them clean up their room or pick up the toys or tell them they can't have any more candy. It is a hard unappreciated job, but I know that you are doing better than you think and that their are stages in motherhood. This too shall pass and give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Let me know if you have ideas to keep the peace. If you need to some adult conversation come over. Maybe call first so I am not totally embarrassed by my messy house, I can at least wipe down the toilets and light some candles.
I had a diffrent veiw of the stay at home mom as well... I love that I can stay home with my kids but I think it would be easier if I worked and had some one else "deal" with my kids... But I know my children so much better becasue I "have too" deal with them all day... There are days that I just want to curl up in a ball and cry... I have found as hard as it is to start and keep fhe and prayers going... They do help... But I'm in the same boat as you I have slacked off and we have not had fhe for quite some time now... Prayers are required becasue Sammy has to say them at every meal and every chance... She gets mad because she can't say them in scarament and church... We have sloved this a little by telling her she can repeat what the person says in the prayer (in a whisper)... so basically she echos every prayer she hears... It was kinda cute when she was doing it during confrence... I liked using the nursey manual for FHE's it made the topics easy for young kids plus had something for them to color so they could do some thing while we talked... Also we use the picture scripture storys to help sammy read the scriptures... Sometimes it works and some times it doesn't... But the Lord knows were trying and so he blesses us... Its not the content or the level of knowledge but the effort and sprit we bring to it...(at least thats what I think)
drugging your kids so they can hear the scriptures...
funny.
We've found that when the kids get to "read" a verse each, they behave better. Alli is really reading a verse, and Lucy just repeats every word after I say it.
Or pick a secret word they are waiting to hear in the verses, and have them raise their hands when they hear that word. This can sometimes help them listen a little better.
best of luck.
Your a great mom, and we all have those same feelings. It's just part of being a mom, it is what is constantly urging us to be better. But adding that spiritual stuff does make a huge difference. Like President Bednar said in one of his talks, it may not seem like the kids are getting it, and we may not always have the spirit, but the important thing is that we make it a habit so our kids know it's important and it will bless your home :) Good luck and keep up the great work!!!!
I dont think I could get through a day without prayer. Ever since Dawson started school our morning prayers went from "bless our breakfast and that we'll have a good day" straight to a 5 minute sermon "bless dawson to make good friends and choose the right and know that I love him....etc" I feel like prayer and scripture study is the only way i can stay sane sometimes. good luck finding your balance...i'm not sure i'll ever find mine, but nevertheless i keep looking =)
Can I just say that I love you? You are one of the few brave enough to say what we all feel at times. Hang in there girl! My friend once sent me something called "Invisible Woman." I'll email it to you...
Melissa I love your blog. You are honest and funny. As a father, I also struggle with some of these same feelings. I am learning that we are on earth to experience joy and if we are not experiencing joy then maybe it is time to do some self-reflection (it sounds like you are already doing that). I only make it to a couple of our family scripture studies, and prayers because usually I am gone. Kim does most of it and she does a terrific job like all the mothers out there. One suggestion I would make is to make it enjoyable. I can already here the scoffs, but really, why not have the kids pick the scripture to read. Give them a choice, use pictures, keep it short. If they sit for one verse I would consider that success and then move on. I know growing up it was 5 to 10 minutes when we did do it and it was not very effective. Have your kids say or repeat big words like abominatation or eternal damnation. That could be fun!! I also like with prayers to take turns. McKenzie loves to say every single prayer and pray when it is someone elses turn. I see no problem with that and we have taught Madison by example to simple ignore because McKenzie wants to talk with Heavenly Father too. Sorry, for my rambling but I feel like you are a great mother. You sound like I feel, trying to figure out the priorities and a little of a perfectionist. Hope this helps!
I've been going through the very same thing. I've been questioning if I was any good at being a mother. The kids were fighting with each other. I was fighting with the kids. I felt miserable and was just so stuck in the muck of everything. And I realized the same thing you did- that life felt like it was spiraling out of control because I wasn't doing anything for our spiritual welfare. At this same time I had an experience that made me realize the importance of making the home a sanctuary for my children. Home needs to be their safe place, my safe place, Scott's safe place from the world. I want them to feel the spirit in our home and I want us to love each other and show it. I want to be a happy, kind mother. I want to take the time to talk to my kids and read to them and snuggle with them when I put them to bed. I want to love being a mom. So I've started doing research. I'm reading messages from the general authorities of the church about being a more loving parent. I'm reading and praying with the kids. I'm trying so hard to be awaring of how I'm speaking to them. I'm trying to make them aware of how they're speaking to each other. I'm trying to pray for help and trying to remember that the Lord can "qualify" me for this work He has called me to do. One of the best things about the Gospel- you can always start over. It's a brand new day and we can do better. Just the other day we were watching a show where the mom was being sweet to her daughter and they giggled together and my four year old said "I wish I had a mom like that." It made me sad but I cut myself some slack told myself that I'm trying and I'll keep trying harder. With the help of our Heavenly Father we can be the mothers He wants us to be!
Do you know what I think is awesome about you? You write down what every one is experiencing but usually to scared to admit. I hear ya. Parenting is harder then I ever even imagined it would be! And my patience is non-existance to. Finally the other day I had a moment too where I just was tired of yelling and hated how it was affecting the spirit in my home. And teaching the gospel is hard! And recognizing those little teaching moments, where are they? And then there are those people that it seems to come so easily to! I just don't understand it! So thank you! It's good to know that I'm not alone out there!
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